Recognising Abuse
Abuse can happen at any age, or at any stage, in any kind of relationship; heterosexual, homosexual, asexual or polyamorous. Abuse can happen to men, women, transgender and non-binary people, and the abuser is not necessarily physically bigger or stronger.
What Does Abuse Look Like?
There are seven main types of abuse. Learning to recognise the signs can help you to take action to minimise the risk of harm to yourself, your partner, or a loved one. It is also important to understand that much of the behaviour listed here is illegal, and if someone is in imminent danger, you can call 999.
If you feel that you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, you can seek help from specialist organisations here.
Emotional Abuse
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Calling you names, insulting you, constantly criticising
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Extreme jealousy or possessive behaviour
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Threatening to leave
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Cheating or threatening to cheat as a form of punishment or control
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Threatening suicide or self harm
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Blaming you for their infidelity
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Silent treatment
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Reinforcing the idea that you are "lucky" to be with them and no one else would want you
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Refusing to trust you
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Negatively commenting on your appearance, and controlling your clothing/hairstyle
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Extreme emotional and unpredictable reactions to provoke fear and confusion
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Causing damage in the home; such as breaking things, or punching/kicking walls
Physical Abuse
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Pulling, pushing, punching, kicking, choking, stamping, scratching, burning, biting or suffocating
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Harming, or threatening to harm children, pets, or other friends and family
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Use of weapons such as knives, bats, sports equipment, firearms, but also domestic items
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Preventing/forbidding sleep, food or water
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Reckless driving with you as a passenger, or attempt to control/disrupt your driving
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Deliberate abandoment in unfamiliar places
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Forcing use of alcohol or drugs
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Preventing access to medical assistance, or medication
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Throwing objects at you, or close to you, your children and pets
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Deliberately damaging your possessions
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Imprisonment or trapping you - even in your own home - where you are prevented from freely leaving
Sexual Abuse
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Having sex without your express consent
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Sexual touching without your consent
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Forcing or coercing you to have sex, or sexual contact with another person, animal or object
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Forcing you to do something in the bedroom with which you are not comfortable
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Forcing you to have sex without contraception
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Removing a condom during sex (known as "stealthing")
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Lying about methods of contraception such as claiming to be on the pill or having had a vasectomy
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Hurting you during sex without your consent
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Forcing you to look at pornographic or illegal sexual material
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Photographing or filming you in a sexual scenario without your permission
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Revenge porn; sharing intimate or sexual imagery of you with others without your consent
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Degrading your sexuality
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Forcing sex immediately following giving birth or a serious medical procedure
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Forcing you into sexual contact because you "owe" them, or they "need" it
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Using your relationship as leverage to have sex; threatening to leave, cheat or withhold money if you do not comply
Economic Abuse
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Denying you access to a bank account of your own
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Demanding access to your bank statements or online banking
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Closely monitoring your spending and reacting emotionally or violently when you spend any money
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Preventing you from spending money on your own needs
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Claiming your earnings or benefits for their own use
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Forcing you to work unnaturally long hours and then taking the earnings
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Preventing you from getting a job of your own
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Causing problems for you at work, such as by preventing you from accessing work online or in person
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Preventing you from having anything in your name; such as a rental agreement
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Insisting all loans, debts and bills are in your name only
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Controlling all of the income/bills and preventing you from access to information on it
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Taking out debts in your name without your knowledge or consent
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Constantly "borrowing" money but never repaying it
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Taking money from your account without your knowledge or consent
Technical Abuse
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Using social media to track your movements
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Controlling who you can/can't follow or be friends with on social media
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Using their social media to embarrass or discredit you by the use of words, photos or memes
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Creating fake profiles in your name/image to threaten, discredit, isolate or embarrass you
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Monitoring your phone and internet use
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Monitoring your emails and messages
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Denying you access to personal email/social media/messaging accounts
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Stealing or insisting on your passwords
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Using your online accounts to contact others in a way to embarrass, isolate or discredit you
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Constantly messaging you to ensure you are constantly present and available on your phone/computer
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Sending you hurtful, threatening or other messages designed to cause harm
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Sending you unsolicited pornophraphic material, or other harmful imagery
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Demanding you send sexually explicit photographs/videos
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Using AI and other software to manipulate your image/voice as a way to discredit you
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Using spyware or GPS tracking to monitor your phone, computer or car
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Using smart home technology, including cameras and audio equipment, to monitor you
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Stalking you in online environments, such as in games or on virtual reality platforms
Psychological Abuse
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Isolating you from friends/family or other positive influences in order to have greater control
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Accusing you of being mentally unstable, or mentally weak/unwell
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Using children as tools of control; either by turning the children against you, or by threatening children with harm if you do not comply with their demands
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Blaming you for their own abusive behaviour
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Claiming that the father is not the parent of a child
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Gaslighting; deliberately changing facts or denying things to cause confusion and disorientation
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Controlling and monitoring your movements, either overtly or covertly
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Threatening to share sexual imagery of you
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Threatening suicide or self harm
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Threatening to take actions designed to hurt you as a method of controlling your behaviour
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Showing up unannounced or uninvited at your home, work or the homes of your friends/family
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Repeatedly calling/messaging you, your friends, family or work colleagues
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Encouraging others to "investigate" you through coercion, or inciting interest through rumour/lies
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Hiring a private investigator to follow you in order to monitor your movements
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Repeatedly sending unwanted gifts
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Controlling or limiting access to important documents such as your passport/birth certificate
Reproductive Abuse
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Refusing to use birth control
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Sabotaging birth control, such as putting holes in condoms, or tampering with pills
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Deliberately breaking or removing a condom during sex (known as 'stealthing')
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Monitoring menstrual cycles to inform abuse
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Forcing a pregnancy against your wishes
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Forcing or preventing access to morning after contraception, or an abortion
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Threatening or being violent in an effort to either force or terminate a pregnancy
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Keeping you pregnant by forcing you to become pregnant very quickly after giving birth