Couple Coaching FAQs
How do you book a Communication for Couples package?
This package is a total of five hours of coaching; a three hour joint session with your partner, and two separate one hour individuals sessions.
Choose the date and time for the joint workshop first, and then make the booking here. Following this, I will send you a link to book your individual sessions, which should take place in advance of the joint session.
If you or your partner feel like you'll need longer for your individual sessions, there is a possibility to extend these within the booking process.
What is the purpose of the individual sessions within the Communication for Couples package?
These individual coaching sessions take place before the joint session. Primarily, these sessions are for each individual to download their thoughts, fears and needs. It is an opportunity to talk candidly about the situation without fear of your partner's reaction, and this process allows you to organise your thoughts and plan for the joint session. Together we set your personal agenda for the joint session and I support you in working out how to frame what you'd like to discuss. It's also an important session for building trust separately with each individual within the couple, so that you both feel safe and understood when you walk into the joint session.
Will you reveal my secrets to my partner?
Absolutely not. Anything we discuss during individual one to one sessions stays strictly confidential, and I will not convey anything you've privately shared when we're in a joint session, unless we have agreed in advance that you'd like me to introduce that topic for discussion with your partner.
We've been to counselling before and it didn't work. Why are you different?
A lot of my clients have already tried counselling or therapy, and in some cases, it didn't work for one or both of them. Therapy and counselling can work brilliantly, but they don't suit everyone - in the same way that coaching works wonders for some but others don't find it the best fit. It's partly down to the approach, but very much down to the practitioner - and whether or not you bond with them. As a coach, I'm practical, directional and interactive, and I am focused on helping you to find solutions. Unlike many couples' practitioners, I build separate independent relationships with each party before begining any joint work.
The best way to decide if my approach will work for you is to have a free video discovery call - we can discuss the outline of your relationship challenges and it will help you to decide if you'd like to work with me! You can book a discovery call here.
My partner is reluctant to participate in couples coaching
I work with a lot of clients who were initially 'therapy averse" and I'm used to scepticism! If your partner is unsure then often the best suggestion is to ask them to independently have a free Discovery Call to decide if they'd be willing to work with me. Unlike many couples' counsellors, I always see clients individually before seeing them jointly, and I believe it is crucial that both parties have an independent relationship with me. The goal is to avoid anyone feeling like they are seeing their "partner's therapist". This approach often helps to minimise any reluctance, but if your partner is still unsure then I do not advise forcing them - any sessions held under duress have a reduced chance of success. I can always see you individually and provide support in that way instead.
Can I see you individually as part of ongoing Couple's Coaching?
Yes. If you and your partner are engaged in ongoing couples' sessions with me, then I will see one or both of you individually as much as you require in between joint sessions.
Needing professional coaching feels like we've failed...
I strongly disagree! The couples who "fail" (in the context of this sentiment) are the ones who didn't try to address their communication, or invest time in working through challenges. If you've found yourself on The Grayston Clinic's sofa, be proud of the effort you are both willing to put in and the respect you are showing for yourself and your partner. We see a personal instructor to improve our physical fitness and to help achieve our goals, so why not invest the same time and energy in the most important relationship in your life?
And just like your fitness goals - the longer you wait to address them - the more work it will require. The most successful clients are the ones who have regular relationship check ins with one another.
Do you only see couples who are married or living together?
I see people in all types of partnership. People who have just met, those who are engaged, having an affair, those who are living together, married, separated or long since divorced.
I also provide Pre-Marriage Coaching to couples who are about to embark on that big step, to help them plan for the marriage, rather than just the wedding.
Do you help couples break up?
My aim is to help a couple stay together, unless one or both of them expresses a desire to separate. Some clients choose to separate during a joint session because the environment, the presence of a third party, and the dedicated, uninterrupted time of a three hour session allows them the opportunity to speak with kindness and clarity. In these instances I work with both parties before, and if desired, after the conversation to help with emotional transitioning.
Can you tell if someone is attending sessions to prove a point?
Yes. Attending a couples' session purely so you can say to your partner "look I did it", or "I tried" but without actually trying to grow, change or resolve something is a waste of your time and money! I'm here to help you, so I urge clients to actively participate in order to get the very best out of the experience.
We are already seeing another type of practitioner - are you ok with that?
Yes of course! Many couples combine coaching with work they do either together or independently with other practitioners. I work in respectful harmony with psychiatrists, grief counsellors, addiction specialists, ADHD coaches, faith leaders and many other types of therapists. If you feel comfortable doing so, I prefer that you disclose what type of practitioner you're seeing, and I may ask you to feedback about the type of work you're doing with them so that my work with you is not counter productive.
Do you work with couples where there are incidences of domestic abuse?
If I am made aware, or have good reason to believe, that an abusive dynamic exists between a couple then from an ethical standpoint I will not work with them in a joint capacity. Coaching requires honesty and vulnerability, and therefore a joint session could potentially expose the target of abuse to further harm. In certain cases, I'm happy to work with both individuals separately, but not together. If you would like to understand more about what constitutes relationship abuse, you can learn more here.
If you think you or someone you know may be in an abusive situation, in an emergency, please dial 999 - otherwise you can seek support from these organisations.